Confusing Lore
by cane-jian
Summary: The world of Lore is in great peril. Dark forces and ancient monster's seek the elemental orbs. Corrupted Elemental Spirit's have escaped their imprisonment. Cruel Overlords plot domination. The world stands in need of a hero. Unfortunately, they got a rather lazy, unemployed Canadian who still lives with his parent's instead. Well, at least I know the Plot, right? SI/Self Insert
1. I Need a Green-Guard

**AN: It has been several months since I managed to update. Every time I try to write something, I end up loosing interest or reaching a part I have trouble writing, until I loose motivation. In an attempt to get over this issue, I've had an idea. I'll start a new DragonFable character, and write chapters as I play the game, following the timeline. To avoid my usual pitfalls, I'll be skipping them outright. So, hopefully, this will keep me invested. Wish me, luck . . . if anyone's even reading this . . . **

standard text

"speech/quotes"

"_backround sounds/whispering/muttering"_

_'thoughts'_

"**Stressed speech"**

"YELLING/SHOUTING"

* * *

**10:43 Am, Day 1**

I woke up to the sensation of falling, the wind whistling past my ears. Seeing as how my bedroom got about the least circulation out of any room in the house, this was concerning. For roughly two seconds my still half sleeping mind pondered why I wasn't in my bed, before I slammed into the ground with enough force to knock the wind out of me.

I lay gasping on the ground for roughly ten seconds, stairing wide eyed up at the sky, before something bounced off my forehead. In response, I leaped to my feet, got light headed, and collapsed again. After several more seconds, my head cleared up enough that I tried getting onto my hands and knees. Once I confirmed that I wasn't going to collapse again, I pulled myself to my feet and began to look around.

While I didn't have the best sight without my glasses, it was obvious I was in a forest of some sort. One in which the trees were spread rather thinly, as the ground got enough sunlight to grow lawn-quality grass. Said grass was also all about the same length, giving me the impression it war recently cut, so I was most likely in a park or something like that.

Noticing something dark in the grass, I leaned in for a closer look. To my relief, the dark object was my glasses.

Snatching up my spectacles, I quickly slid them on my face, throwing the glasses string over my shoulder's in one smooth motion. Now able to see more clearly, I began to look around in earnest. Beyond a few red flowers (which was somewhat concerning seeing as last I checked, it was fall) I wasn't able to see anything out of the ordinary.

Before I could think to do anything else, I heard a sound from above me.

"_whoop whoop whoop"._

Looking up, I inhaled sharply and jumped back, narrowly avoiding a piece of falling wood. I glared at it for a second, recognizing it as an oversized "hiking stick" I had made in response to hearing rumours of a cougar in our neighbourhood.

I looked up again, this time spotting a a glowing ring of smoke hovering a fair distance above me.

"What?" I questioned out loud, more out of a desire to hear my own voice than any actual desire for an answer.

"It appears to be a portal, master!" Spoke a voice that sounded like someone I had heard in an infomercial . . . from my PJ's right pocket(Yes, my PJ's have pocket's)? I looked at said pocket in concern for a second, before reaching my hand into it and pulling out what looked to be a large, glowing, green marble.

"What the heck is this thing?" I snapped, this time expecting an answer. One which the orb proceeded to give me.

"Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of Cysero's handy dandy, "Inventory Orb! _Patent-pending._" The green orb cheered in it's announcer voice.

I blinked twice as I registered the words. After several seconds of confusion, the name dawned on me. "Cysero? As in, the mad weapon-smith, Cysero?"

"Yep! That's the one!"

"As in, green robes, hair so thick you can't see his eye's, **is a game character**, Cysero?"

"The one and only!"

I inhaled deeply as I considered my circumstance. _'This can't be real. I must be dreaming. But why did the ground hurt? Is this a prank? Am I on prank patrol? No, that show was cancelled. Wasn't it? No, it was, maybe some other show? Maybe my sister's behind this.'_

After a minute of trying to make sense of . . . well, everything that had happened in the past three minutes, I looked back to the orb and began to dig for more answers.

"What were you doing in my pajamas?" I started.

"No idea!" it announced cheerfully.

"How did I get here?"

"I'd assume the portal!"

"Where am I?"

"The forest!"

"Which fo . . . "

"Duck!" The orb interrupted me.

"What?" I asked?

' whoop whoop whoo-whack!'

I slammed into the ground face first as my stainless steel umbrella slammed into the back of my head, leaving me flat on the ground with a rapidly developing lump on the back of my cranial cavity.

" . . . oooooowww." I moaned, rolling unto my back to stair at the sky (and the portal). I picked up the umbrella, holding it above my head for a second, before dropping it to my side. "Why me?" I asked in exasperation closing my eyes. I lay there for about five minutes, waiting for the pounding in my skull to fade, and the world to make sense. Unfortunately, neither had happened by the time my sulking was interrupted by the orb, which had fallen in the grass to my right

"Say-open-sesame-say-open-sesame-say-open-sesame . . . !" it began to babble in a rather panicked tone of voice, it's announcer tone seemingly lost or abandoned in it's rush. I began to ask it "What?" only for the blood to drain from my face, and my question to turn into a terrified gurgle, with the opening of my eyes.

"Whaa-aaaaaAAAAAAHHHH!"

The reason? Well, the portal had given me my bed. My bunk bed. My three hundred pound bunk bed. You can fill in the blanks.

As I watched the large construct of wooden logs, which I had been sleeping on since I was fourteen, descent towards me, I was frozen in fear. Finally, my seemingly frozen lungs managed to pull in enough air for me to stammer out, "Open Sesame!"

There was a "swoosh", and a blur of green, and the bunk bed vanished from the air a mere five feet above me, close enough for me to make out the scratches in the side my cat had clawed into it a few years prior.

"Inventory slot: One, filled. Bunk bed. A wooden bunk bed made by your father as a Christmas present when you were fourteen. Oh the good memories!" the orb . . . narrated?

I stared at the empty space above me for a second longer, before deciding that I should probably move away from the portal, grabbed the orb, the umbrella, and my hiking stick, and retreated to a safe distance. I ran roughly fifty feet and propped myself against a thick tree, waiting for my heart-rate to return to a reasonable speed.

* * *

**11:01 AM, Day 1**

After my heart stopped pounding so hard I could hear it, and my thoughts returned to a speed other than "panicked rush", I finally managed to take stalk of the situation. I had apparently fallen through a portal, into the middle of a forest. I had a talking, magical orb in my pocket. I was not dreaming, I had already confirmed that using every test I knew, including pinching and reading poetry I wrote in the dirt (You apparently cannot read in dreams, just imagine you're reading. I had tested this previously).

The portal apparently lead to my bedroom, as several of my things had been falling through over the past several minutes, including my collection of wooden swords, my bookshelf, my decorative(?) Katana and it's carrying case, my T.V. and Samsung tablet(Neither of which had survived the fall) and my dresser.

After the destruction of my T.V. and tablet, I had been somewhat quicker to respond to things falling through, and managed to use the Orb's "Inventory Mist-TM" to catch the dresser(Why was the mist trademarked when the name of the Orb itself was awaiting a Patent?). Now I was standing just to the side of the drop-site, waiting for more of my things to fall through.

"So . . . " I began, "Your a talking magic orb?"

"That's riiiiiight!" The orb responded in his announcer voice, drawing out the "I" in right.

"And your job is to . . . hold things, I guess?"

"You got-it!"

" . . . and you were made by Cysero the mad weapon-smith?"

"That's what I said!"

"Ok. How do you work?"

"I connect to twenty small pocket dimensions, each able to hold either a single item, or a group of the same item!"

"And how does than work?"

"You say the pass-word and I open! I can only take in one item at a time. I can direct the item's to were ever you want them to go!"

" . . . alright, how did you know all that about my bunk bed when you absorbed it?"

"You mean stored it! And I have no Idea!"

I sighed. That was annoying. Could this thing read my mind without knowing it? "Well, what's the biggest thing that you can store?" I asked it, seeing no point in continuing the question it's telepathic abilities for the moment.

"I can store anything smaller than a small house!" it replied.

"Ok, what abou-open sesame!" I began to ask about how it responded to liquids and gasses, only to be forced to cut off as my collection of decorative rocks fell through the portal. I happened to like those, thank you!

Each of the cut-and polished stones and crystals came through a few seconds apart, lucky not knocking against one-another as they fell, so they weren't damaged.

Once the last one entered the inventory, the orb giving me the description of each, I quickly had the orb take them out again, as I didn't want the inventory filling up to quickly.

"Honestly." I sighed. "It's like there's someone in my room throwing my stuff out at random. Look at this. All of these rocks were sitting withing inches of each other, but they aren't ever scratched!"

"Yeah, that's weird!" the orb responded.

I looked down at the orb in my hand. " . . . You know, I just can't take you seriously with that voice."

"Customizable voices can be added on for an extra 50 dragon-coins at Cysero's Super-Store-of Savings!" I responded infomercial style.

"Yeah, it's actually a really good deal!" a normal sounding voice came from a above me. I jolted in shock and looked up so fast I nearly gave myself whiplash. Emerging from the portal was the upper 50% of a human body. I had about half a second to register green robes and a bush of spiky brown hair before the man shouted "Catch!" and threw something at me. Said something hit me between the eye's, and I was flat on my back with another lump before I knew it.

* * *

**AN: Well, that went better than expected. I actually managed to complete a chapter in two days! That hasn't happened in like . . . months. Let's hope I can keep up the momentum! Who knows, maybe I'll be able to participate in NaNoWriMo this year! But, best not to get ahead of myself, onto the next chapter!**


	2. I Ask a Squirrel for Directions

**AN: OK, time to start the next chapter! Hope I can keep up the momentum . . . **

standard text

"speech/quotes"

"_backround sounds/whispering/muttering"_

_'thoughts'_

"**Stressed speech"**

"YELLING/SHOUTING"

* * *

**1: 17 PM, Day 1**

By the time I had recovered from my minor concussion, the sun was directly overhead, leading me to believe that it was noon. The portal was gone, and a few more of my thing's lay scattered about the ground around me.

After I re-confirmed to myself that this was real and not a head-injury induced fever-dream, I took inventory of what I had. Beyond the things that I had collected earlier, I had my pocket watch(A gift from my sister) which had apparently been wound and set to the correct time(I mean, I hope it's the correct time), A few boxes of Granola bars and bags of trail mix, both of my water bottles, which had been filled, some flashlights, and my backpack.

Luckily, it appears that putting all of the things listed above into the backpack made them count as one item, thus only taking up one slot in the orb's inventory. After going through my somewhat damaged dresser, I had changed into one off my many turtle-necks, the red one, and a pair of jeans. Unfortunately, the only form of foot-wear I had was my leather moccasin-slippers, which was annoying, since I had had a perfectly good pair of crocs in my room under my bed.

However, seeing as whoever had sent me here(Cysero, judging by how he came through the portal for a moment) hadn't seen fit to send them through like the rest of my stuff, I'd have to make do with the moccasin's. It wasn't that they were uncomfortable, it's just that they were the kind of thing that would try to come off you feet if you weren't faster that a light jog, effectively limiting me to a walking pace(unless I wanted to go barefoot. I hate being barefoot).

I had managed to get all of my things into the Orb's inventory, with a little messing around, leaving out only one of my hiking sticks(the heavy duty one that nearly hit me) as a means of self defence. I considered using the Katana or the umbrella, but decided that the large stick was the most intimidating, and the easiest to use as a weapon.

Finally, I had gone over the thing's that, last I checked, weren't mine. This included a set of red and white robes, the orb itself, the book that Cysero had thrown at me, and, strangely enough, a couple of pairs of left-socks.

The robes looked like you standard set of mages robes, loose and somewhat decorative. They also apparently came with a leather belt with built in pouches for supplies.

The book was a big, heavy thing, roughly a foot tall, eight inches wide, and three inches thick. The cover had several decorative symbols on it, and what appeared to be a brown gemstone embedded into it.

Upon opening said book, I found out to my surprise, hope, and slight suspicion, that it was a book of basic spells.

* * *

**3:53 PM, Day 1**

The first spell listed in the spell book was simply refereed to as "Mana Blast". By it's description, the basic concept was to use a staff or wand to pull in mana from the environment, channel it through you body, then blast it back out from your hand. It was apparently one of the first spells taught, as it didn't require any of the caster's own mana, was a good introduction to channelling magical energy's, and could usually be learned with only a few hours of practice.

Obviously, this would be the first spell that I try to learn, with . . . shall we say, decent results. For the first hour, I had simply been following the books advise on how to channel mana, with no success. Eventually, I had started trying to do it without really trying, figuring that I may be trying to hard. I caused a small explosion. Now my hair was singed. The book said that was a good sign(the explosion, not the burn hair) as it meant that I was successfully channelling the energy.

Next, I tried using my hiking stick to gather mana from the environment. That took a while. First, I had to figure out how to draw mana from the environment in the first place, which required basic(Luckuly very basic) meditation. Then I had to figure out how to connect my and the stick's mana flow. That took me nearly an hour by itself(I was nearly convinced I needed an actual staff instead of just I piece of wood) before I suddenly managed to fill my hand with magical splinters. Now I was bleeding. Fun.

After stopping the bleeding by applying pressure and wrapping my hand in a clean shirt that I hardly ever wore as a makeshift bandage, I got back to work (Funny how easy it is to do repetitive, mind-numbing things when you have nothing else to do).

Now, nearly three hours later(If my pocket watch was to be believed) I was trying to figure out how to actually launch the spell. The book just said to focus on you opponent and point you palm at them, and to be fair, that seemed to be working. No, my problem was that the conjured sphere of magic kept detonating like a small explosive about five feet from my hand. Not exactly the kind of range I'd be looking for in a fight. I'm kind of squishy, so no CQC.

Every failed attempt at a blast resulted in a loud _"bang"_ which was roughly as loud as a hammer striking a nail, resulting in a slight echo. In other words, anything or anyone around would know where I was. That could be a good thing or a bad thing, seeing as how I had no idea how hostile the local wildlife would be.

"Maybe I'm doing this wrong." I spoke out loud, mostly to here my own voice, but I justified it to myself that I was talking to the orb. "Maybe my problem is that I'm focusing more on the direction of the power than the shape? I mean, a stable sphere should be stronger than just a messy . . . ball? Is their another word for a sphere that's not so precise?" I asked the orb.

"How about Globe?" it suggested. "Globe seems like it could work. Of course, I don't know magic that well, but your problem may be that your casting hand is wrapped in a T-shirt."

"Yeah, you may be right . . . wait, do you hear rustling?"

I turned around in response to the sound of leave rustling. Seeing as how their was no wind blowing at the moment(that I had noticed) I figured that that was the sign of something approaching. Seeing as I found myself face to face (as in like, two feet apart) with what appeared to be a giant, humanoid squirrel. In response, I inhaled sharply and took one step back as my heart-rate doubled.

Now, I like squirrels. Their one of my favourite animals. Sure they can be annoying at time's, but I still always loved seeing them raiding our bird feeder's. Also, they were the only thing that would even try to mess with the Steller's-Jays, which gave them point's in my book. Of course, having a five foot tall one with claw's longer than my fingers stair me down was terrifying no matter how much I liked them!

Recognizing it, I quickly began to search my memory for everything I remembered about them. The creature currently staring me down was, quite obviously, a Clawkin. Clawkin were one of the more common enemies found in my favourite Artix entertainment game, Dragonfable(at least around green-guard). They were both sentient and sapient(as should be obvious from the fact that it was wearing leather clothing of some sort). They all dresses identically so their enemies couldn't recognize their leaders.

Also, If the conversation the main character had with their matriarch was any indication, they didn't usually kill their opponents. That said, I didn't feel like pushing my luck.

"Hello their!" I said, cheerfully, if somewhat nervously. It starred at me, expression not changing(not that I could see anyway, not exactly an expert on clawkin facial expressions). After several seconds, I tried talking again. "You wouldn't happen to know the way to the nearest settlement, I'm sort of lost out here." It stared for another second, before pointing to the right (it's right, not my right, my left). I looked towards the direction it was pointing, before looking back to . . .

"So that . . . " I stopped as I realized the Clawkin had vanished without a trace when I looked away. "O . . . K, I guess I'll try that way then." With that, I decide to continue my magic practice latter, pack up, and start walking.

* * *

**AN: I have spent the past two days trying to think of how to make this chapter longer, without success. Then, I remembered the whole point of all this was to get past this problem, so I'm uploading it like this. Next chapter, I actually get to the plot!**


End file.
